Lost in Trainslation

Sitting on the cold stone bench I held my son and rocked him back and forth humming the “Happy Birthday To You” song. Wide eyed and petrified I carefully observed my surroundings afraid of getting mugged or worse. It is ten o’clock at night in Richmond and the only people around are homeless crack heads. I say that with the utmost respect for our homeless community but I was in a real bad area. A young couple with a baby moves towards me and I feel relieved because they have a baby and I immediately feel a sense of security. The woman comes and sits down right next to me. She sits so close she is touching my son. I move Rylan’s leg and I start to shake. She chose this bench not the ten other empty ones; she stares at me with the hungriest, most desperate eyes I have ever seen. I held my two babies and I stared back long and hard to let her know that I was not afraid but more important to let her know that I was not going down easy. I stared until she starting laughing out loud and I watched her push her stroller to another bench. Rylan was shaking and Ashlyn was wrapped in a “Cars themed” towel that Ry received a few hours ago as a birthday gift. They were shaking because they were wearing shorts and we were in Richmond where it was maybe 60 degrees. How did we end up here?


It was a sunny morning in Sacramento. I was excited to head to the Bay Area and escape the heat for the afternoon. It was Rylan’s third birthday and we were going to ride a real train. His love for trains is about as strong as a teenager’s love for video games. My present to him was a ride on a real train and a visit to the Bay Area to have lunch with his grandparents. The day went well and after our visit with the family he was more than ready to get back on the train. As we walked up to the tracks there were three different tracks, two which occupied trains. Carrying my laptop, my sons blanket or “wooby” and about ten gift bags I decide to get on the first train to ask if it is the Sacramento train. I had a three year old hand in my hand but I had so much going on I assumed that my daughter was close behind since she never strayed. Before I could ask the man in the business suit on his laptop if this was the Sacramento train the doors closed and the train was on its way, I panicked because I thought my six year old was on the other side.


It took me maybe ten minutes to get it together again because the fear of what could have happened was too real and staring me in the face. I had so much in my hands I was tempted to tell my kids to wait outside so I could look in and ask if this train was Sacramento bound. By the time I got myself together I realized we were on a commuter train heading for San Francisco.


“Dear god, I know it has been a long time since we talked but I could use some help.” Unfortunately god is not as quick to offer help to those who only speak to him in pure desperation but something happened that night in Richmond as I froze to a stone bench with my children and our ten “carry-ons”. I decided that we needed to leave the underground station and go up to where the trains were departing. Although it was colder I saw no other alternative given the circumstances. Once we reached the top we found three people from Sacramento who were all in similar situations. My son told them “mommy got on the wrong train and I am scared.” Although I did want to give him a third birthday to remember, this was not what I had in mind. His love for trains faded in the last month but I am confident that it will return. More important I hope that he knows that his mom can handle anything and will go through desperate measure to assure that he is safe and that when needed she even talks to god.